we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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