Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
