im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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