dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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