turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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