my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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