He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
