atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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