I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
