LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
