my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
