Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
