i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
