Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
