there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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