meet me or not, i'm out of control
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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