Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
