wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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