it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
