can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
