Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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