Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
