My friends, they love my intelligence
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
