From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
