I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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