We need to rekindle our bromance
he was CRYING into my vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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