dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
