then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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