i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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