my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
