Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
