apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
