Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
