I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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