she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
