be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
