life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
