I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
