im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
