Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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