the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
