we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
