Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
