I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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