Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize