What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
