Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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