It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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