Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
