just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize