He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
