I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
birth control should be required to get into college
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's get the cat blown out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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