Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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