I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
