I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
