So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize