Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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