if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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