please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
