even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
