My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like a drive thru vagina
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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