No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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