I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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