only if we run a train.
done.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
