Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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