I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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