That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
