Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
