so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
