why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
