I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
