the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
