ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
