i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
