You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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