i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
